~ Journal of a Malkavian Vampire ~

Copyright DoctorAllCome.com - All Rights Reserved

(That means DON'T help yourself to anything on this website!
This journal is the sole property of Dr. John Necessitor)

Just leave me the hell alone!!

*Vampire bows at the waist, turns and walks away*


The Vampire sat at the chair behind his desk and ran his hand over the black .40 Smith and Wesson on his desktop. He thought back to his conversation with Mac about firearms. The Lycan was most knowledgeable on the topic. It was an excellent choice - easy to load - felt good and solid in the hand. It had been a long time since he held a firearm. He had many weapons, not firearms but blades - swords of all kinds, short daggers, long daggers, and quite an assortment of knives. He grinned momentarily, thinking of them.

He lifted the gun, enjoying the weight of it in his hand. With ease, he cocked the gun, rested his finger on the trigger and turned the barrel to face him. A twisted grin curled his lips before he opened his mouth and rested the barrel of the S&W on his bottom teeth. The voices in his head argued amongst themselves. "Do it now!" one chanted, while another countered, "No! don't do this, don't!" Soon they all chimed in, all having their own opinion on the matter. 

"My fucking decision," he growled in thought, then squeezed the trigger. The back of the Vampire's head exploded onto the wall behind him. Brain matter scattered in all different directions, much like his thoughts usually did. His hand fell and the gun slipped from his grasp and hit the floor. His body slumped forward and his forehead hit the desk with a loud, "thud." Blood pooled out onto the surface of the desk, reached for the edges and finally rolled off the sides. 

Nearly 40 minutes had passed. The Doctor  made a choking noise and raised his head slightly as a stream of blood ran from his mouth. "Dammit," he sputtered, disoriented - as droplets of crimson accentuated his comment. He wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt and started to sit upright in the chair when the pain hit. "Ugh!" he groaned and grabbed the back of his head with his hands and rested it forward again on the desktop. "Ohhh that hurts," he said in a muffled voice with his face resting against the desk. He could feel that the back of his head was once again solid, but he couldn't imagine having a worse headache.

After another 20 minutes he slowly tried raising his head again. Gingerly he turned in the chair to glance at the wall behind him. "Wow," he exclaimed, then quickly added with anger in his voice, "Damn." Shaking his head slowly he muttered under his breath. "There's always a mess to clean up." He sighed heavily, then reached down to get the gun off the floor. After clicking the safety on, he placed it back into the lockbox and pushed it to the corner of his desk to put away when he decided he wanted to stand up. "Feeling rather tired at the moment," he said to no one. He fixed his gaze on the H.R. Giger on the opposite wall and stared at it.


I don't want to die
but I don't want to live
I don't want to take
nor do I want to give

A ghost, a shadow
a spec of dark
Will you ever
make your mark?

Brooding now
mind spirals down
Nothing matters
Leave without a sound

Seems insane
seems logical too
Haze clarified
Leaving all of you


Climbing onto the roof, he spotted the other Vampire across the span, close to the edge. His silhouette was barely visible against the night sky. He saw the bottom of his black duster flap against his leg in the wind. His mind started racing. How high up were they? It had to be at least a 30-story building. "What do you think you're doing?" he yelled to the one moving closer to two-foot wide by two-foot tall wall that encircled the edge of the roof.

The Vampire replied with cynicism in his voice, "You thought you were so smart, didn't you?" His evil chuckle echoed across the rooftop. "I don't know why you ever thought the things you did." He paused for a moment and then smirked. "Well, then again, I do now, don't I?"

The other one knew he couldn't rush him. Being a Vampire, he would be as quick as he was himself. Talking a few determined steps forward he yelled across the roof in anger, "It was logical!"

"Ha!" the other laughed back. "Logical my ass!" With that comment he made a small leap up onto the two-foot wall. He couched down and pointed to the one approaching quickly across the roof. "I don't know how you could have ever thought that was logical." An evil grin curled his lips now, and he slowly straightened into a stand.

"You fucking ass!" the other Vampire roared. He was only a few yards away now. He heard the other's laughter ring out loudly. His eyes widened as he saw the other outstretch his arms to the side and say, "Oh well." With that he made one step backward off the wall and disappeared from sight.

The Vampire left standing on the roof was only literally standing for a moment before a crackling flame started to consume him...from his feet on up, disintegrating his being. A scream of agony remained silent as his tongue and throat atomized. As he threw his head back, his eyes took in one last vision before they were ripped to a fine spray of particles - the bright blue sky. 


So much fucking bullshit! It's no wonder I can't stay focused, and in a way it really doesn't matter.


The Vampire sat in the dark room. There was no moon tonight, and the open window shared no evening light. With his left hand he reached out for the lighter, and with his right picked up the candlestick holding a slender black candle. He lit the lighter and then the candle. It's flame flickered bright in the dark room. He then rose and walked to the fireplace and placed the candlestick on the mantle. He then returned to his chair and glanced at the dancing flame. In the blackness of the room the tiny fire looked like it was floating in the air. "For the one of a friend," he said quietly.


The Vampire sat in the chair with his earphones on listening to " Du Hast" as the fire raged across the room, behind him. He could feel the heat...knew the books on the shelves were blistering and burning. Could feel the sweat rolling down his chest, his temples. "Not much longer," he thought to himself. He looked into the fireplace before him. The normally generous fire was dwarfed compared to the raging flames behind him. A slow grin curled his lips as he felt the heat bearing upon him. His back became uncomfortably warm as the flames licked closer. He reached over to the stereo and turned the volume up even more. The German words and strong rhymes beat into his head, drowning the sound of the fire roaring closer.


He felt the first few raindrops hit the top of his head and shoulders. It took him by surprise as it wasn't even overcast. He glanced upward as the rainfall increased. He normally liked rain but he had a very bad feeling about this. An almost irrational notion crossed his mind and he quickened his pace. The downpour continued, and his dark hair and jacket were now soaked. He suddenly realized the rain felt...heavier. He glanced upward and watched the sky darken as the color of the raindrops changed. "Shit!" he exclaimed and started to run. The drops had turned into some type of oil or sludge. It pelted down on him, but not did roll off his back as did the water before. He could feel the weight of the sludge as it clung to him, making his steps more difficult. He tried without much success to push the oily residue from his jacket and hair. 

Glaring ahead he could vaguely see the silhouette of his house through the blackish rain. "I'll never make it," he said with panic in his voice. Even trying to walk quickly was difficult as he labored to pull free from the sludge-like muck on the ground. "I'm not trying hard enough!" he growled through grit teeth. With much effort he moved forward a few more yards as the darkness from the sky heaped upon his shoulders and head, pressing him down. He realized it was difficult to breath now and panic rose in his throat. His mind screamed, "If I can just make it to the yard I might have a chance." It was only a few more slow steps before the weight of the sludge pushed him to the ground. He could feel it covering him as he lay there. Thoughts raced through his head as he labored to breath. "It is justified then," he thought. He would have nodded his head if he could. The best he could do was slowly turn his cheek to the ground so his nose wouldn't be pushed into the earth. The ooze slowly crushed down on him, smothering him. He lay there, unable to move as the downpour continued, resigning himself easily after the thoughts churning through his head made it all logical. 


Sometimes I just feel like grabbing a cooking fork in each hand and slamming them into my throat just above my collarbone and seeing if I can rip them up through my neck (maybe even manage to mangle my head off - HA!). Then all my passions would spill out and FINALLY be useful - as a lovely shade of red dye! Yeah..*smirk*

Where the fuck is my camera?


Dr. Necessitor worked diligently on the experiment all night. He glanced at his notes and furrowed his brows. "Dammit," he growled. My experiment's a failure!" He thought for a moment and then corrected himself. "It's not a failure," he sighed, "It just didn't give me the results I wanted." He tossed the notebook onto the counter and left The Lab.


Through the darkness on the inside of his eyelids he looked down the shadowed hallway. As he concentrated on trying to pick out the floor and walls, the hallway became almost pitch black. Suddenly there was a pin of a speck of light at the end of what was the hall. It was bright white and not offensive. It was hopeful. Bright, white, hopeful.

Suddenly the tiny white light started to fade, slowly fading into black itself. It was then he realized that the white light was the center of an eye's pupil. The outline of the eye was barely visible. It was a small eye...floating around, just glaring back at him. To no surprise the eye then started to fade into the pitch black void. He sighed heavily. To no surprise.


Dr. Necessitor sat in his favorite leather chair in front of the fireplace and contemplated a few things. He thought of all the damage he had done in the past, and all the damage he was doing now. Sometimes this bothered him immensely and other times he really didn't care at all - one the contrary - he wanted to cause more damage.

The Vampire thought of all the bridges he had burned, and never looked back. "One doesn't need complications," he grumbled to himself. He thought of just recently when he had some business in town and how crowded the place was. Humans were everywhere - in his way, cluttering the hallways, murmuring about bullshit or talking loudly on their cell phones. He frowned and returned his thoughts back to burning bridges - at least that was more pleasant. "Yes," he nodded, as he thought of that one fateful day on the beach when he had confronted her. "Yes," he repeated, "Time to burn more."


The Vampire was sitting before the fireplace and something caught his eye, and he stood and walked to the mantle over the fireplace. "What's this?" he said to no one. There were several small figurines where there had not been any before. "Nothing belongs on this mantle," he growled. Nobody heard him. He picked up the one and glanced at it. He had seen this one before, but he couldn't place where. "Nothing belongs here," he said again as he moved to sling it into the fireplace. His arm stopped of it's own accord before he released the object. It seemed familiar. "Doesn't matter," he replied out loud to the thought in his head. He tossed it into the fire, and the flames rose up a bit as the figurine hit the ashes.

He glanced up at the other two and grit his teeth. "These shouldn't be here." In one quick movement he snatched them both with his hands and summarily tossed them into the flames as well.

"Can't let things get cluttered," he grumbled as he walked from the fireplace. His steps took him to the sidebar, and without thinking he turned and walked back toward the fireplace, his hands now clasped behind his back. He must have paced for 20 minutes before he stopped, furrowed his brow, then sighed. More steps took him to the foyer, then out the door and into the night.


Responsibility for

I care about people *smirk*


He stood on the edge of the beach, just out of reach of the incoming waves and stared out into the near infinity of the ocean. She walked up slowly behind him and reached her hand up, knowingly caressing his left shoulder and arm. He knew she was there even before she touched him. In a quiet voice she said, "Doc, it's them or you, you realize that, right?" He signed and replied, "Yes, of course."

Addressing him again, she said, "John, you need to be selfish." She paused a moment and said, "For me." An evil grin curled his lips and he repeated, "Yes, of course," never taking his eyes from the endless waves. He felt her left hand slid down to his waist, and her right match the other side. She started to grasp his sides, digging her nails into his flesh through the shirt. He started to laugh then grabbed her wrists and pulled them forward, wrapping her arms around his waist. He held her hands tight so she couldn't move away easily. He felt her rest her forehead against his back.

"Don't you worry," he said with a grin, "I'll take care of things." He heard her sigh in relief.



I can't love
I can't feel love

Ha! sad for you Edward.......and you Henry....because she doesn't love you either way.

Give in to Edward though, Henry...or you'll fucking go insane...oops! too late - LMAO!


He thought of things from the past....like when it was storming at the gardens, and everyone was stranded under a building by a train station - and the rain poured down...in torrents.....off the roof in a constant wall of water....and he imagined it was blood. It was such a calming thought....and he wished he could feel that calm right now.


She craned her neck to look up the sheer cliffs of the Palisades against the night sky. The autumn air held a chill, and the wind coming off the Atlantic made the area even cooler. Turning her attention back to the one in front of her she realized that he was quite a bit farther ahead. She would have to run to catch up to him. With a sprint, she took off down the beach toward the Vampire. Finally reaching him, she kept up a faster pace to match his long strides. With a stern look on his face, he looked at her and growled, "What?"

"Slow down already!" she growled back. Unexpectedly he stopped short and turned toward her. She actually didn't think he'd even slow down. Raising an eyebrow he questioned, "Well?"

She stepped closer and grasped his upper arm and pulled him slightly down to her as she tiptoed up and leaned close to the side of his face. Whispering in his ear, she implored him to see reason. Leaning back, she released his arm and stood in the sand - keeping an eye on his right hand. She expected it to raise and was ready to move out of the way of a solid whack. Instead he balled his hand into a fist and kept it to his side. She glanced at his left hand to see a mirror image.

She couldn't help it, but a smirk started to form on her lips. He glared at her with disdain, but just for a moment. It was enough to make her frown, then sigh. "You know I'm right," she said softly. He turned away from her now, anger in his eyes. She could hear him mumbling under his breath, but didn't think she wanted to hear what he was saying.

He glanced back at her and sighed heavily - a stern look on his face. She reached up and traced her finger over a lock of hair by his left ear, then let her arm drop. He grinned slightly, now raising his hand. The Vampire feigned a pop to her head then grinned a bit more. Slowly a more serious expression came across his face and he nodded once. "Let's walk," he said, and started moving forward, though not at the quick pace that he was moving before. She walked alongside him, keeping her face straight ahead, as she knew he was. A slight grin curled her lips.


Oh yeah..........and Alex....if you f**king love Ken so much, why don't you go backstage and f**king suck his c**k?

*evil grin* Can't wait to see who kills kenny.


He grinned slightly, cryptically, upon his realization. The beast had minions. "Little fuckers," he sighed. He wondered if they were the same ones who showed themselves behind his closed eyelids in the dark recesses of the coffin. "It's possible, but unlikely," he muttered. Those eerily alive-ish ones were somehow different from the others.

The Vampire sighed again. He had thought about writing of her a day or two ago, but was advised against it. With a smirk, he rolled his eyes, then gently picked up the icepick and placed it back into the drawer....though the images in his head concerning the matter were as sharp as the icepick itself.


Dr. Necessitor sat in his favorite chair in front of the fireplace. He rested his chin on two fingers and the thumb of the arm that was poised on one of the arms of the chair.

He thought about people he hadn't been in contact with in awhile. His fledgling came to mind. They had so much more to explore with her telekinetic abilities - some that she had passed on to him with the embrace. He hoped she was doing well. He also thought of the Angel and sighed heavily. She despised the name, yet let him get away with calling her that. This special being he was happy for, yet worried for her as well.

Those thoughts led to others. He thought about someone he had been short with recently. His Lab Assistant came to mind. It wasn't without reason that he was irritated. Then again - it was possible he got irritated easily. An evil grin curled his lips. He thought about others he had been curt to and sighed again.

He began to let his mind wander to all the people that were in his life in some way. Many beings and creatures of the night crowded his mind and what was left of his grin slowly faded away. Many beings.

Growling under his breath he said, "I know where my home is." He watched the flames lick up the brick walls of the fireplace and repeated, "I know where my home is."


The Vampire thought about the term "Danger Zone." There were probably many types of danger zones; sunlight, beheading. He thought of the myths of garlic and a stake through the heart and laughed. The thought of silver bullets also made him chuckle. His brow furrowed a bit as other types of danger zones came to mind. Some danger zones were exhilerating, and some other certainly needed to be done away with. 

30STM Image from http://www.thirtysecondstomars.it
Sweeney Todd image copyright Dream Works LLC and Warner Bros. Entertainment
Thank you D for making this for me.
No Copyright Infringement Intended