2.10.09 (a little later)
Aw, what a shame...nobody
around for me to "play" with. *evil grin*
You are just a sad song with nothing to say.....
.....and I am an idiot.
The Vampire pushed those thoughts from his head and pondered what
a young man had told him yesterday. "Don't stop writing. When
you have a story going, don't put it on hold. When you have an
idea, get right to it."
The man was right, of course sometimes stories got put on hold for
one reason or another, but lately....the Vampire sighed.
He was definitely set up now....all new tunes on his site, and the
volume control all the way up. The writing seemed to flow when he
listened to loud rock music from his headphones. "I think
I'll write about Daniel," he said with a grin. "It's
been a long time since I've mentioned him." The grin faded a
bit as he thought what he'd write next - nobody would see that -
not for a while anyway. He sighed heavily and went to task.
You've been folderized! *smirk*
"Who cares," he thought. "Who
cares." He actually thought he did. He wanted to check on
those places to check on those people, but when it got right
down to it......he didn't care, nor did he check. "Is it
that easy not to care?" he pondered for a moment.
"Yes, sometimes it is," he answered himself.
"Sometimes it is."
Another chapter closes, another chapter done. Such
a variety of chapters on such a variety of intensities. Been a
lot of chapters - some open from so long ago they still haunt
me. That one, I think of her now - still close - will always be
close. I think how strong she is, and sometimes she
.......thinks things of me, because yeah, in the end - she could
use some help, yet sometimes I'm just not there for her -
probably self-absorbed, yeah, most likely. WTF? I AM
self-absorbed and selfish - not a big fucking secret, but yeah -
I get her point.
Maybe she doesn't realize how fucking........ah.....I've got no
words. No words for what she's said, for what she thinks. I know
how much she cares for me - but I also know THOSE things - and
yeah, sometimes it hurts.
Thinking of flaming bridges and bowling balls and broken glass -
and I have been all day.
4.14.09 (much later)
Thinking chapters again. Hopefully another one is closed as of
9:39 am this morning. What's funny is I didn't think she
realized what I was doing (or wasn't doing) - have to grin now.
Chapters/Doors/Bridges/Bowling Balls/Broken Glass. Well, I'll
know in a few days if I've been able to lock this door and not
*sigh* There is that one door I cannot close until another one
opens. That's gonna be a tough lock to pick, but I have faith in
myself (at the moment).
Some people are so fucking inconsiderate. Where the FUCK is my
The Vampire closed his eyes and leaned his head back in the
black leather chair. He sighed heavily. He slowly opened his
eyes; they shifted to the fireplace. The sanguine and sunset
colored flames licked up the stone insides of the hearth. He
seemed to always find himself here when reflecting.
"Odd," he thought. He didn't even remember walking
here, yet here he was.
His mind went to the past weekend. "Wow, what a fuck
up," he grumbled to himself. It seemed like from Friday
night to the present had been a month's worth of time. Growling
under his breath he thought of something else. "I was
robbed," he growled to no one. "Ah fuck it...she's
still there, and I have plenty of time. Just have to deal with
formalities first. Business first, then pleasure." Upon
saying the word pleasure his lips curled up in an evil grin. He
could almost feel his hands around her throat now. He sighed
heavily again, though this time a grin graced his lips.
He stood up and shot a look at the fireplace once more before
turning and exiting the library.
The Vampire went to the wooden stairs and climbed higher. I
didn't make sense to him that the beast would hide somewhere
other than the bowels of the tree, but he had to look anyway.
After checking several other floors he made his way to the very
top of the structure. He had only been here once. The balcony
had a steel metal grating. There was a waist-high glass wall
around it, topped with a metal bar. He could look out over miles
from up here. He glanced down. It was a far drop. Suddenly his
mind was filled with dark thoughts. Black-oily thoughts. He
slammed his eyes shut and grit his teeth so hard he thought they
would break. "No," he cursed at it. Taking in a deep
breath, then exhaling he slowly opened his eyes, his jaw still
clenched. Then a sudden peacefulness washed over him. He relaxed
his jaw and glanced downward again. A slow grin curled his lips.
With ease he climbed up on top of the wall, balancing gingerly
on the curved metal bar. His grin widened. He knew a strong wind
The Vampire looked to the ground below. It was a long way down.
A long way. The tall grass was parted with a concrete walkway,
there were no flowers to speak of. He slowly raised his arms out
to his sides, like an airplane...a slight grin on his face.
"If I'm careful, I can turn around," he thought to
himself. He imaged falling backward, his face looking to the
dark sky as he sailed downward. He knew if he aimed properly,
the back of his head would connect with the concrete walkway and
split it open like a melon. He suddenly inhaled, then exhaled
jaggedly....in anticipation....in relief.
He closed his eyes again for a moment, the image of crimson
spreading to the edges of the walk and into the grass dominated
his mind. "Ahhh..." he sighed, with the slightest of
His eyes opened once again, and a look of determination took his
features. Very carefully, very slowly he slid his feet along the
curved bar, stories up from the ground. He managed to gingerly
twist himself around and now was looking out at the top of the
roof, his back to the ground far below.
He had listened to "Not Meant for Me" way too many
times, and would have continued to listen to it had he not
finished updating what he needed to update. The Vampire stood
up, walked around his desk, and left his office, locking the
door securely behind him. That dagger was still on the corner of
his desk. He tried to block it from his mind but knew eventually
he'd have to hold it tightly in his grasp once again.